How do you top a movie that had fast cars, crazy explosions, fifty-foot robots, and Megan Fox? You throw in more cars, more explosions, more robots, and have a sweaty Megan Fox run in slow motion while wearing a tank top. Ladies and gentlemen, Transformers 2. (more…)

I’m in LA for the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) 2009! Have no idea what E3 is? Wondering why there are so many damn E’s? Well, at E3 all the big (and small), video game company-likes showcase their upcoming games to get everyone all excited and pumped. Us members of the gaming press are then forced (like slaves) to feed their mass hype-machines by writing about great those games look/are. Yeah, real slave labor. I feel oppressed.

The party kicks off tomorrow morning with Microsoft’s Press Briefing. Sony and Nintendo’s conferences are Tuesday morning but they sadly didn’t send me an invite . The show floor opens on Tuesday afternoon and I’ll be there torturing myself to play games. Torture, I tell you!

Stick around here and my Twitter for updates!

Apparently (from what I’ve read), the gist of the game is to chase some guy who stole your whey protein by performing bodybuilding poses with your Wii remote and nunchuk. And no, there’s no explanation as to why there’s a bodybuilding polar bear.

Japan gets all the best things, and I’m pissed. I say they bring it to the US, have it set in New Jersey, replace the protein with Muscle Milk, and turn all the characters into guidos. It would sell like hotcakes.

NICE MUSCLE!!!

It looks like what I wanted Metal Gear Online to be; fun and not complicated. Cannot wait.

The fictional metropolis of Liberty City, from last year’s epic Grand Theft Auto IV, somehow manages to squeeze itself into your pocket in the form of Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars. Now you can steal cars and beat hookers on-the-go!

Loved: How the game makes good use of the Nintendo DS’s touch screen.
You’ll be hotwiring cars, detonating bombs and assembling sniper rifles with the tips of your thumbs in no time. These mechanics keep you on your feet and engaged with the game at all times.

Hated: The cliché plot.
Young Asian male with troubled past comes to America in order to avenge his father’s death, defend the family honor and protect the family heirloom (which is always an ancient sword for some reason). Blah, blah, blah — you’ve seen it before. It is definitely a step down from GTA IV standards.

Cool: To play while on the can. No, really, try it.

This video makes me sick. Yeah, it looks like this baby is mindlessly mashing buttons with Zangief, but wait until the last fifteen seconds or so. His father has a nerdgasm.

That’s right. Double. German. Suplex. WTF. I can’t even do that and I’m pissed. I suck at fighting games and this kid’s is just rubbing it in.

[As seen in the Reporter Magazine]

Zombies. There’s something about shooting them in the head that never gets old. I guess that’s why the Resident Evil franchise — the most recognizable name in the survival-horror genre — has been so popular over the last two decades. Resident Evil 5 marks the series’ introduction to hi-definition gaming, and it proves to be a top-notch debut.

Loved: The co-op. RE5 is designed to be played with two people and that’s how it should be played. I wouldn’t suggest splashing cash on the game unless you have a friend to play with online or on split screen.

Hated: The outdated controls. They’ll either make or break the game for you, simply because you can’t run (or walk) and shoot your gun at the same time. You’re telling me a special ops soldier with airplane-sized arms can’t run and shoot? I bet a Jonas Brother could even manage that.

Cool: It has zombies. On dirt bikes…And you thought you were safe.

I’m still convinced Andy Samberg is the funniest (and most random) comedian today. Anyone who can make SNL bearable post-Will Ferrell deserves that title. Now excuse me while I go take a dump…LIKE A BAWSE!!

Slim Thug says hello.

…but I have to watch it now.

Bunnies with sniper rifles, rockets, and using close-quarters combat? Where do I sign up?